Paul has unusual motivations. Most of us would choose to stay alive because we don't want to die. Paul wants to die so he can be with Christ. But he's willing to postpone this joy so he can keep serving his friends. He can hold this tension because he's already convinced that "to live is Christ, and to die is gain." So either way, he's covered. Knowing that God is taking care of him, he can make decisions based on what his friends need. Paul says he's "hard pressed." It's the word for being crushed by a crowd. But in his case, he's squeezed between two things he wants: to serve his friends, and to be with Christ. I've never had to contemplate martyrdom. Sometimes, we see the hinge points in hindsight. I once had a conflict with a ministry co-worker that we couldn't resolve. To end the fight, I decided to resign, but I still felt called to serve students. That meant raising additional support to start a new ministry. It would have been easier to get a job with a promised salary and health benefits. But I felt constrained by God to stay, and that led to joy. On April 9, 1945, the Nazis hanged Bonhoeffer at Flossenbürg concentration camp. Bonhoeffer never saw a free Germany, and Paul never made it back to Philippi. But they both got to be with Christ, and their sacrifice still shows us the path to joy.