Best Friends
As I turned from East Parkway onto Union Avenue in Memphis, I asked the student going to the service project with me how his week was going. He shared, "It's pretty stressful. I have two tests tomorrow, and a paper due at the end of the week." I asked, "So why are you spending your evening with me?" He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Because I promised to help you. I can't go back on my word." For an ambitious, driven student, I knew he felt the cost.
1 Samuel 18:1-5, 20:11-17, 41-42
As soon as David finished speaking with Saul, Jonathan's whole heart was bound up with David, and Jonathan came to love him as his own life. That day Saul kept David with him and would not let him return to his father's household. And Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own life. Jonathan stripped off the robe he was wearing and handed it to David, including his tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt. Wherever Saul sent him, David marched out and succeeded, so Saul set him over the soldiers. He won the favor of all the people, and of Saul's officials as well. ... Then Jonathan said to David, "Come, let's go out to the open country." So the two of them went out into the country. Jonathan said to David, "I swear by the LORD, the God of Israel: I will feel my father out, about this time tomorrow, or by the third day. If he is kind toward you, I will surely send and tell you. But if my father means to do you harm, then may the LORD punish me, and punish me again, if I fail to warn you and send you off so you can safely go your way. And may the LORD stay with you, as he once stayed with my father. And while I am still alive, show me the LORD's own faithful love, so I do not die. Never stop your kindness to my household, not even when the LORD has wiped every one of David's enemies off the face of the earth." So Jonathan sealed a covenant with the house of David, saying, "May the LORD bring justice to David's enemies." And Jonathan had David swear it again, by the love he had for him, for he loved him as his own life. ... When the boy had gone, David rose from beside the pile of stones and fell with his face to the ground, bowing low three times. They kissed each other and wept together, but David wept the hardest. Then Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace. We have both sworn this on the LORD's own name: the LORD will be between me and you, and between my offspring and yours, for all time."
The Greek philosopher Aristotle identified three kinds of friendship. At the lowest level were friendships of pleasure. Above this were mutually beneficial friendships, where we help one another in practical ways (for instance, our relationships in the marketplace). The rarest and highest form is the friendship of virtue, where friends share a love of what's good, and help each other become better people. Aristotle said only these are genuine friendships; the other two forms merely mimic it. Jonathan is Saul's first-born son. So he's the crown prince, the first in line for the throne. But because his soul is knit to David's, he gives his friend his robe, tunic, sword, bow and belt. At first glance, it sounds like a gift of ordinary clothing, but each of these items symbolizes royal power. The narrator makes the contrast sharp: Saul took David for himself, but Jonathan gave David everything he had. Above Aristotle's highest understanding of friendship, Jonathan and David swear a covenant before God. Jonathan risks his father's wrath by undermining his efforts to kill David, and gives up his own claim to the throne. After Jonathan dies, David keeps the covenantal pledge when he finds Jonathan's crippled son Mephibosheth and seats him at the king's table. Our own understanding of friendship is often disposable. Whether it's scrolling for a better match on a dating app, ghosting a friend, or sending a text message to cancel a meet-up, we evaluate people by what they can offer us. But even though we are transactional and selfish, Jesus decided to make us his friends. On his last night with the disciples, he lifted up a cup that marked his death and announced a new covenant. The covenant that Jonathan swore in a field, Jesus signed with his blood. These stories set a noble but crushing standard. I don't have it in me to give up my inheritance for the benefit of a friend, much less lay down my life to save someone else's. The biblical logic runs the other way: Jesus has befriended us, and over time, his faithful friendship displaces our innate self-centeredness. Because he keeps loving us, we start to learn what it would look like to love each other.
Out of everything that Jonathan gave up for David, what cost him the most?
What does it tell us about Jesus that he gave up everything to become friends with us?
What would it be like to have a covenantal friendship with someone who loves Jesus?
Think of one friend who helps you follow Jesus, but you treat as optional. Reach out to them and see if they would be willing to make getting together a regular habit.