I'd Rather Die
I was so angry I couldn't look at her—my wife, whom I had vowed to love "in sickness and in health." The next day, the sense that I was in the wrong crept up on me, against my will. But saying that I was sorry felt like dying. So for another night, I went to sleep without saying anything.
The sailors are in the middle of a spiritual awakening. Earlier, they feared the storm. Moments earlier, Jonah claimed to fear the Lord. Now the men are 'seized by a great fear,' the Hebrew says, they 'fear a great fear.' Ancient seafaring was dangerous; they had rituals and techniques for bad weather. But this storm was as supernaturally bad as the whale that swallows Jonah will be supernaturally good. So when Jonah tells them he is fleeing the Lord's presence, they connect the dots: Jonah's God is coming after his disloyal servant. Horrified, they gasp, "What is this you've done?" These pagan sailors are asking the question God asks in the Garden of Eden (Gen 3:13). They don't ask, "What have you done to us?" but "What have you done in regards to your God?" They're shocked on behalf of Jonah's god. They cannot imagine defying their gods as Jonah does; he is acting in a sacrilegious manner. Because the problem is not severe winds but an angry God, they need a theological answer. If Jonah's god has sent the storm, then Jonah's god must be appeased. They can only ask Jonah: What do we have to do? What does your god require? In his response, Jonah misrepresents God. God never wanted him to die, but to go to Nineveh. But he says that they must throw him into the sea, where he will die. If the storm consumes him, then God will be satisfied, and the sailors can be spared. Even as Jonah says he's to blame, he doesn't do anything. He doesn't pray to God and apologize. He doesn't jump into the ocean himself. He'd rather be at the bottom of the sea than any closer to God. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul writes, "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, but worldly grief produces death." Jonah's recognition of his guilt leads him further away from God, the author of life, toward his death. He'd rather suffer for being wrong than experience the mercy of God. God doesn't send the storm to kill Jonah or the sailors; nobody dies, even after Jonah is thrown overboard while the wind and waves are at their worst. He sends the fearsome storm to awaken their fear of him.
Why do you think Jonah misrepresents God?
What makes an apology feel like losing, even when it's right?
What is something you are doing to avoid turning to God?
If you're physically able to do so, get on your knees. Tell God, "[This particular decision] is wrong, and I know I've been running. I'm sorry. I need your help to turn around and do what you're asking. Save me from my sin, and free me to live for you."