Moving In
I sat on the couch in the corner of the living room, trying to look normal, building a spreadsheet to figure out how much of our credit card bill we could pay. I didn't even understand how we had spent so much in the first place. God had promised me peace, but all I felt was the weight of our bills, and a rattling anxiety.
John 14:15-27
¹⁵If you love me, you will keep my commands. ¹⁶And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, so that he may be with you forever. ¹⁷He is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, because he abides with you and will be in you. ¹⁸I will not leave you behind as orphans. I am coming to you. ¹⁹Just a little longer, and the world will not see me anymore. But you see me. Because I live, you will live too. ²⁰On that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. ²¹Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. And whoever loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love them and show myself to them. ²²Judas (not Iscariot) said to him, "Lord, what has happened that you are going to show yourself to us and not to the world?" ²³Jesus answered him, "If anyone loves me, they will keep my word. And my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. ²⁴The one who does not love me does not keep my words, and the word you are hearing is not mine but the Father's who sent me. ²⁵While I am staying with you, I have spoken these things to you. ²⁶But the Helper, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name: he will teach you everything, and he will remind you of everything I said to you. ²⁷Peace is what I leave with you. My own peace I give to you. I do not give to you the way the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.
I remember when one of my wisest supervisors told me he was moving across the country. "Don't worry" he assured me. "My replacement will do a great job." But instead of being supported, I felt like my new manager was often looking for mistakes to criticize. The disciples have never experienced anyone with the purity and constancy of Jesus' love. So it's impossible to imagine that his departure will be good for them. If Jesus really loved them, why would he intentionally leave? And if he sent the Spirit to live with us, why does he feel so absent? I often blame myself. Jesus says, "If you love me, you will keep my commands." It seems like he's saying that if I was more obedient, then I would deserve God's attention and affection. If I prayed the right way, then I would know God's peace. It seems like there's a secret that I'm missing to be close to God. The disciples were confused, too. They'd left their jobs and their families to follow him. If he's gone, they'll be isolated and helpless. Jesus precisely identifies their fear by promising that he will not leave them as orphans. So if he's not here, how does Jesus fulfill this commitment? The promise is for another Helper. We sometimes think the Holy Spirit is a downgrade, but Jesus is saying that he and the Spirit are alike. He reveals that he is in the Father, we are in him, and through the Spirit, he is in us. One God, in three persons, making his home in us. It's not that we are becoming God, or he is taking over us, but that he is relationally connected to us at all times. Perhaps we've heard this verse so many times we take it for granted, but this is an existential detonation. Even the disciples at the Last Supper only knew Jesus at a distance, and believed God was far away from them in the heavens. But after his departure, they knew the Triune God as a living Friend who inhabited their hearts. It's because God is the Author of Life that his friendship with us renews our lives. To know God is to be spiritually alive, which means, to be fully alive. What does God have to fear? What keeps him up at night with anxiety? His glory and power are unmatched. The crucifixion did not defeat him but merely revealed the glory of his love. As the friends of Jesus, filled with his Spirit, and loved by the Father, we have what we need even when we don't know how to pay our bills. The gift of God's presence comes with the gift of God's peace.
What connections do you draw between the disciples' fear and confusion and our own?
When are you most prone to thinking that you have to earn God's love?
What anxiety or fear are you holding onto yourself?
In a quiet place, pray to God: "I have been trying so hard to deserve your love. Help me to trust that I am already loved, because you are always with me. I am giving so much attention to my problems that I have stopped believing that you will take care of me. I am trying to run life my own way instead of allowing your love to re-work my heart. Today I am going to face problems and feel anxious. Jesus, I want to know that you are with me in it all."