One, Two, Three
A user on reddit asked, "What's something you've never told anyone, but can tell a bunch of strangers on Reddit?" 1,600 upvotes were given to this response, "That even though I am surrounded by friends, I suffer from an extreme sensation of loneliness that is killing me day after day. I have always felt like a stranger to my friends and family and have no idea how to feel normal." We blame our phones and suburban sprawl, but the same agony has plagued us for millennia.
Ecclesiastes 4:1-12
Again I saw all the oppression that is done under the sun. And look at the tears of the oppressed! No one consoles them. Power is in the hand of their oppressors. No one consoles them. So I judged that the dead, who have already died, are better off than the living, who are still living. But better than both of them is the one who has not yet come to be, who has not seen the evil work that is done under the sun. And I saw all the toil and all the skill in work; it grows out of one man's rivalry with his neighbor. This too is a haze and a chasing of the wind. The fool folds his hands and eats away at himself. Better a cupped palm of calm than two hands heaped with toil and a chasing of the wind. Again I saw haze under the sun. There is one man, and no one with him: not even a son or a brother, and no end to all his toil. Yet his eyes never have their fill of riches. For whom am I toiling and starving myself of good? This too is a haze and a sorry business. Two are better than one, because they have good wages for their toil. For if they fall, one will help his friend up. But woe to him who falls with no friend to help him up! Also, if two lie down, they stay warm. But how can one be warm by himself? And though a man would overpower one, two will stand against him. A three-thread cord is not quickly snapped.
It's hard to look at the tears of the oppressed. When they showed starving children on late night TV to pressure me into making a donation, I instinctively changed the channel. Who spends their evenings learning about famines so they can do something to help? But Ecclesiastes is unsparing. No one consoles them. No one consoles them. The cruelty is paired with its unbearable aloneness. It's so dark that the Teacher judges the dead are better than the living, who must continue to suffer. But even better are those who haven't made it into the world. Faith doesn't require us to be positive. We can see and grieve the darkness. When we aren't hurting others through oppression, we often destroy ourselves through competing against each other. We ruin our lives through the foolishness of working too hard or not working at all. We call it the rat race or keeping up with the Joneses. The need to get ahead can bury us. But if we see through the lie and opt out, sloth consumes us, too. Seeing the futility of it all, the Teacher recommends finding whatever contentment you can in working enough. To intensify his point, he tells a story of a man constantly working to get more, and more, and more. But one day he looks up. The detached observation breaks into the first person: "For whom am I toiling, and starving myself of good?" He has no son, no brother, no one to share it with. Then the Teacher moves from the tragedy of one to the practical benefits of two. They can help each other during the day, keep one another warm at night, and defend themselves against a solitary attacker. But even better than two friends is the union of three. For instance, in The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis observed that when his friend Charles Williams died, he wouldn't have more of his friend Tolkien to himself, but less, because Williams brought out a side of Tolkien that was now absent. Even looking at life "under the sun"—that is, without reference to God—the Teacher gives us wisdom. Life is better when we balance work and rest, and go through it all with good friends. Anyone can benefit from these insights. But what if we listen to this wisdom with Jesus by our side? He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). He entered into the tears of the oppressed that the Teacher only observes. He didn't just see the haze, but was handed over to it. On the cross, Jesus experienced the ultimate isolation so we would never have to be alone under the sun. The author of life allowed the emptiness of death to consume him so that we might be filled with his presence. Because we belong to Jesus, he can knit us into friendships that go deeper than practical help. We can call each other "brother" and "sister." Not only can we help each other with the practicalities of life, but we can encourage one another to follow Jesus. When Christ is the central strand of our friendships, they gain a purpose and wholeness that makes us like him.
Where do you feel most surrounded by people and yet least known by any of them?
Underneath the practical necessities of paying the bills, what drives you to work (or sloth)?
When you last needed help, who could you ask to help you up?
Ask God to bring one person to mind who might be like you—surrounded but feeling alone. Then, reach out to them and see if they'd like to get together for coffee sometime soon. Or, if you're feeling isolated, it's okay to ask someone at church to help you get connected.
What's something you've never told anyone, but can tell a bunch of strangers on Reddit?