God loves us and lives with us. We are forgiven and accepted as new creations in Christ. Yet we still battle persistent sin. At its worst, the tension can lead to feeling ashamed of ourselves, unworthy of God, afraid of others, and discouraged about God's willingness to help.
God loves us and lives with us. We are forgiven and accepted as new creations in Christ. Yet we still battle persistent sin. At its worst, the tension can lead to feeling ashamed of ourselves, unworthy of God, afraid of others, and discouraged about God's willingness to help.
What is your secret? The one truth that, if you can help it, will never, ever, under any circumstances, be exposed?
What do we do when our actions betray our Savior? When our public devotion to God hides a private contradiction? When we beg God to change us, but we seem to get worse instead of better?
To understand the difference between false shame and godly conviction, learning to receive God's honor in Christ while building communities where it is safe to struggle with sin.
I'll never forget how he looked. Eyes down, shoulders collapsed, voice like a whisper. His body was saying: I shouldn't be here anymore. As gently as I could, I asked him what was going on. He could barely answer: "I looked at, you know, last night. I know it was wrong. It's just that… I… just can't stop…" Then, his voice faded out.
While I tried to figure out how to respond, he slunk into himself even more. It was as if he was anticipating that I might pick up my Bible and beat him on the head. This student was admired on campus, a humble leader, and a beloved member of our community. My heart ached to see him radiating shame, fear, and unworthiness.
As we've discussed, the gospel leads to a life of total surrender to God (Lesson 1), we are already made new in Christ (Lesson 2), Jesus calls us to deny ourselves (Lesson 3), God is both holy and merciful (Lesson 4), our choices matter to God (Lesson 5), and that faith leads to faithfulness (Lesson 6).
At the start of our Christian life, these truths often fill us with joy! I've noted that adult converts, who can clearly see the difference between their former and new way of life, are often filled with a deepened gratitude for how Jesus has transformed them.
Yet what happens when we've followed Jesus for a decade or more, and realized that some sins aren't going away? We went to the conferences, read the books, did the silent retreat, talked to the counselor, joined the small group, said the prayers, and wrote in our journals.
In spite of all our devotion, what about the angry outbursts, the anxious fretting, the smug arrogance, and the hypocritical judgmentalism? If we're honest, we've found ways to get comfortable with our habitual little rebellions against God.
But over time, the contradictions erode our trust in God. Who is God—or where is God—when I am stuck in my sin? What do we do when we've read the Bible cover to cover, and still don't know how to get out of our spiritual ditches?
How can Christ be Lord when we're still running our lives?
As limited, imperfect creatures, sometimes we feel bad about ourselves for no good reason.
When I was in college, we had a rudimentary bulletin board system that allowed students to discuss various topics. In my freshman year, a discussion I joined became a full-fledged debate about whether or not Christianity was true. At one point, another student even threatened me, "I am going to track you down and beat the living *** out of you." Before long, it seemed like everyone on campus was talking about it.
But the worst moment came when my roommate looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Carson, please stop it. No one wants to hear about your belief in Jesus" and then walked away. I felt terrible. It was challenging enough to be on my own as multiple skeptics publicly attacked my beliefs. But to have my roommate be repulsed by me? I realized that, in a way, I had committed social suicide, and I felt deflated.
Years later, as I was talking with an administrator at the school, she recognized me and brought up the debate. I said, "Oh, yeah, that was a big disaster, wasn't it?" She looked very confused and said, "No, not at all. You were so kind and respectful, and you made great points. You should be proud of yourself."
Her encouragement helped me to realize that I had internalized shame from skeptics. Instead, I should have realized that my witness was honorable in the sight of God.
When we feel shame, it's important to discern where the disapproval is coming from. Is it an over-active conscience? A harsh parent? A workplace bully? An online mob? Malicious gossip? There are many reasons why, in a fallen world that is opposed to God, that we might feel shame.
But ultimately, only God's evaluation matters.
In modern terms, shame is an unequivocal negative. Yet as the Biblical scholar Dr. Te-li Lau argues in Defending Shame, the Apostle Paul intentionally shamed some of his congregants! That raises an interesting question: Why would Paul use shame?
Dr. Lau explains that, for Paul, shame awakens us to turn away from what is shameful (our sin), just as a desire for honor should whet our appetite for what is honorable (Christlikeness). Because God disapproves of disobedience and highly regards obedience, it is important for our communities to align our judgments with God's perspective.
Consider the alternative: being shameless, brazen, audacious, or indecent. When we harden our hearts against God's evaluation—or even the accurate judgment of others—we remove an important motivation that, when experienced in the context of love, can propel us to be like Christ. If we reject shame entirely, then we are, in essence, rejecting God's evaluation of our lives.
The world uses shame to punish enemies. But Paul uses shame to provoke his beloved brothers and sisters in Christ to run away from what harms them, to earnestly seek God's forgiveness and acceptance, and to wholeheartedly embrace the love and life of Jesus.
That said, we must be careful! Because shame is so powerful, it can only be properly exercised by a community saturated by the gifts of God's humility, gentleness, wisdom, and thoroughgoing love for one another. To use shame to damage our fellow Christians is, in itself, a great shame.
What is God's response to our shame? Dr. Lau makes it clear: grace, love, and restoration.
And our honorable response? Repentance, faith, gratitude, and cross-shaped obedience.
Consider how Adam and Eve, after they were caught disobeying God, were weighed down by their sin. Expelled from God's presence and God's garden, the flaming swords of God's angels sent a fierce message: you are excluded, rejected, and removed from what is good. They felt ashamed!
Yet even in these tender moments, God offers acceptance: he sacrifices a good animal, knits the skins together, and makes the first outfits. Have you ever been measured by a tailor? As they kneel to take your measurements, focus on each stitch of the garment, and customize the clothing to fit you, the appropriate response is gratitude. "Thank you for taking care of me."
We see the completion of God's redemptive clothing plan in the work of the cross. Recall that Jesus died naked, exposed, and humiliated—he was shamed before everyone as he bore our sins. But he became naked so that we might become "clothed with the garments of salvation" (Isaiah 61:10).
As he reflects on Jesus, Paul goes so far as to say that we can be "clothed with Christ" (Romans 13:14). He even says that God gives us a new self, "created according to God's likeness in righteousness and purity of truth" (Ephesians 4:24).
Do you see the echoes of Genesis? In Christ, the perfect human, God is restoring our humanity to wholeness. As God's people, we are honorable because we are righteous. The rich may boast of wearing Chanel, Louis Vuitton, or Gucci, but to be clothed in Christ is the most honorable fashion statement in human history!
As I learned from Dr. Lau, shame and honor are social experiences that transform our identities. As the Holy Spirit works in us to orient our conceptions of honor and shame around the cross and resurrection of Jesus—instead of the world's preferences for status, wealth, and power—God intends to build new communities that celebrate Christlikeness.
Unfortunately, too often, our communities celebrate performance, charisma, and knowledge. We feel smothered by the expectation to wear our "Sunday best" to church—not just how we're dressed, but how we act, and what we share. We create cultures where authenticity is praised but perfection is expected. The unspoken rule is, "It's okay to share your struggles, as long as they're in the past, and Jesus has helped you overcome them."
But in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus provides a different kind of vision for his disciples. He says that we thrive when we are poor in spirit, mourning our sin, humble, hungry for righteousness, merciful, pure in heart, peacemakers who willingly suffer for what is right. Imagine a community bursting with these spiritual gifts!
Wouldn't you feel safe, accepted, and comforted? We'd remind each other that Jesus has forgiven our sins, taken our shame, and welcomed us with open arms. When we corrected each other, we'd remove the log from our own eyes before mentioning the speck of sawdust in another. Shame would never be a weapon, we'd celebrate one another's growth, and we'd be there to bear each other's burdens. As God empowered us, our light would shine, and many would give honor (or "glory") to our heavenly Father.
Like all the paradoxes, the struggle between our shame and Christ's honor is a lifelong tension. God designed us to work together to discern between false shame and godly conviction, reject perfectionism while pursuing holiness, and accept one another as works in progress.
The world says honor comes when we have it all together. But when Christ is the Lord of our lives, God's honorable evaluation of our lives is a gift of grace that motivates us to live for Jesus.
When I get discouraged by sin, I often listen to the hip-hop collective indietribe's song, "Still Holy." As you listen, I encourage you to open your heart to God's restorative grace.
This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.
How does John describe God?
How does John describe our sin?
How does God enable us to have fellowship with him and one another?
How does the description of Jesus as our 'advocate' change how we approach our failures?
Father, I confess that I often hide my struggles, both from you and from others. Help me to internalize that in your presence, I am fully known and fully loved.
Jesus, you bore my shame on the cross. Help me to accept your forgiveness and live in the freedom you purchased for me.
Holy Spirit, give me the courage to walk in the light, to be honest about my struggles, and to receive the grace that transforms me.
Holy Trinity, enable us to love one another as you have loved us.
We will discuss 1 John 1:5-2:2 together. Our goal is to build an accepting community where it is safe to struggle to follow Jesus as Lord.
How comfortable are we with being honest about our struggles in this group?
What makes vulnerability difficult within the Christian community?
How can we honor Christ as Lord while acknowledging our ongoing battles with sin?
In what ways might we unintentionally shame one another rather than extending grace?
In what ways do you minimize your sin to protect your image?
In what ways do you focus on your failures so much that you forget who you are in Christ?
How have you experienced false shame? What helped you realize it wasn't from God?
When have you experienced godly conviction? How did this help you grow as a Christian?
In our community, is it safe to struggle with sin?
Holy Spirit, reveal the roots of my persistent struggles. Show me where I've been living as if Christ is not Lord. Renew my mind to see myself as you see me.
Start or update your 'rule of life.'
How can you incorporate practices that help you walk in the light with God and others?
Who can you trust to confess your sin to them?
What verses remind you of your identity in Christ?
Write a personal prayer that reminds you of God's grace when you feel overwhelmed by shame.
Invest in building a closer, more open relationship with another Christian.
What's one way you can demonstrate that it is safe to be vulnerable with you, without fear of rejection?
Is it safe for you to confess a hidden struggle to God or a trusted friend?
Do you want to share this goal with the group for accountability?
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