True Friends Might Wound Us
When I was fifteen, my grandfather asked if he could talk with me for a moment. I could tell from the tone of his voice that there was a danger in saying yes. "Carson," he said, "you have some large zits on your face. You need to make a plan to take care of them." It stung. My face flushed red. It wasn't until days later that I could appreciate what a gift he'd given me.
Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Everyone could see the problem, even me, but only my grandfather took the risk of offending me, because he loved me. Instead of protecting himself and staying silent, he chose to take a risk. He knew he had earned the trust, and he stepped into the awkwardness of a teenager's life because he cared. Proverbs 27:6 flips our default expectations about friendship. Normally, it's true that wounds come from enemies and kisses come from friends. But the Bible reminds us that sometimes the opposite is true. A real friend will take the risk to tell you the truth because they care about you, whether they are encouraging or challenging you. A good friend demonstrates love by gently pointing out the blind spot in your marriage. They name the pattern you keep repeating at work. They ask the question you've been avoiding. Meanwhile, the enemy's kisses are deceitful. Their smooth words are designed to keep you feeling close to them, even though they don't want to help you. Jesus was this kind of friend. Remember how he confronted Peter over breakfast on the beach? It wasn't to shame him, but to prepare him for service. He asked the rich young ruler the critical question no one else had dared to ask. He told his disciples hard truths they didn't want to hear, because comfort was never his goal. The friends who challenge us for our good are demonstrating real love. And we need to stay on guard against those who flatter us. It's easier than ever to surround ourselves with an adoring audience online instead of actual friends. But faithful, wise friends know that sometimes, the hard truth is a gift of love.
Reflection Questions
Think of a specific time a friend said something that was difficult to hear. How did you know it was love, not judgment? What made it feel safe or unsafe?
Why is it easier to encourage than to challenge a friend? What are we avoiding when we keep relationships comfortable?
Just as we need faithful friends, God invites us to be faithful friends. Who in your life might need a faithful wound from you right now? Here are a few diagnostic questions before you speak: Do they trust me? Have they invited feedback? Is this the right time? Could I start with curiosity instead of a conclusion? What would Jesus do for them?
One Thing to Try
Reach out to a friend who's told you hard truths in the past: "I've been thinking about [that specific conversation we had]. Thank you for loving me enough to risk it. I'm better because of you." This takes 30 seconds. But it's a great way to build a relationship with a faithful friend.