When Disappointment Is Doubt
If any organization should have represented God well, it was Ravi Zacharias International Ministries. I worked there. I had all the theological answers to explain human crookedness, but I still wasn't prepared for the spiritual abuse. In my pain, I wondered if anyone was listening. My leaders said God existed, but they didn't live like he did. And if God's representatives are corrupt, it made me wonder: is God even real?
Mark 9:17-27
Someone from the crowd answered him, "Teacher, I brought my son to you. He has a spirit that makes him unable to speak. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive it out, but they couldn't." He replied to them, "You unbelieving generation, how long will I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring him to me." So they brought the boy to him. When the spirit saw him, it immediately threw the boy into convulsions. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. "How long has this been happening to him?" Jesus asked his father. "From childhood," he said. "And many times it has thrown him into fire or water to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." Jesus said to him, "'If you can'? Everything is possible for the one who believes." Immediately the father of the boy cried out, "I do believe; help my unbelief!" When Jesus saw that a crowd was quickly gathering, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You mute and deaf spirit, I command you: Come out of him and never enter him again." Then it came out, shrieking and throwing him into terrible convulsions. The boy became like a corpse, so that many said, "He's dead." But Jesus took him by the hand, raised him, and he stood up.
I can't imagine my children convulsing in the dirt. This young man and his father have endured years of trauma, wrestling with an evil force trying to destroy them. In desperation, the man asked for help from the disciples and the scribes, who both claimed to represent God. But they failed him. They couldn't do it. By the time he finally meets Jesus, his faith has been battered again. Not just by the demon, but by the disappointment of powerless religious leaders. So, he hedges: "If you can do anything..." Who could blame him? When religious people fail us, we instinctively lower our expectations of God. Remarkably, Jesus attends to this man's soul before he restores his son. He invites him to be wholehearted, and the man responds with the most honest prayer in the New Testament: "I do believe; help my unbelief!" He is saying: 'Yes, I've still got a scrap of faith left, but it is not enough for this crisis. You're going to have to pull me across the finish line.' And on the strength of that fractured, honest, half-believing prayer, Jesus healed his son. Everyone in this story who acted as if they had it together had an impotent faith. Only the cry of a broken father was heard by God. If this story shows us anything, it's that faith isn't opposed to doubt. It is opposed to pretending.
Reflection Questions
"I believe; help my unbelief." If you're honest, which half of that prayer feels more true for you right now?
Has disappointment with Christians or the church ever made it harder for you to trust Jesus?
What's one specific doubt you've been afraid to say out loud?
One Thing to Try
Jesus invited this man into an honest conversation. No hiding, no pretense. You don't need to fix your doubt today, but you don't have to carry it alone. I invite you to send this text to a safe friend right now: "Can I tell you something I've never said out loud about my faith?"