When Prayer Feels Like a Performance
My friend and I met up in Bellingrath Chapel at Rhodes College, where we'd agreed to pray together for an hour. The silence felt unbearable, so I filled it with fervent prayers, hoping to hear an "Amen" or at least a grunt of affirmation. But every time I glanced over, he was smiling, with his eyes closed, as if I wasn't even there. Afterward, I fished for a compliment: "That was some powerful praying, huh?" He looked at me, confused, and gently said, "Carson, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening to your prayers. I was focusing on God. I hope that's okay." That was a gut punch I've never forgotten.
Romans 8:26-27
In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
Here's what stung: I thought I was praying. I wasn't. I was performing, auditioning for a role I'd already been given because I wanted to impress God and my friend. If I had held onto Paul's words in Romans 8, it would have saved me a lot of embarrassment. He doesn't say if we struggle to pray; he says because we struggle. He assumes we won't know what to say. That's not a bug in the spiritual life but a feature. The Spirit intercedes with "inexpressible groanings." We often feel we need to clean ourselves up before approaching God. Complete sentences. Theological precision. But Paul says the Spirit prays for us in a dialect that bypasses our eloquence entirely. Prayer isn't a speech we deliver to a judge. It's a breath we take in the presence of our Father. We do not pray to be heard; we are heard, so we pray. Whether we're quiet or chatty, confident or insecure, the pressure is off. We don't need to perform. We get to be with a God who can make sense of us.
Reflection Questions
When are you most tempted to "perform" in your spiritual life? Is it when you're praying with others, or even when you're alone?
Paul says the Spirit prays for us when we don't have the words. How does that change how you view your distracted or scattered prayer times?
What would it look like to stop performing for God and just show up?
One Thing to Try
Set a timer for three minutes. Sit somewhere quiet and say this out loud: "Spirit, I don't know how to do this. Please pray for me." Whatever comes to your heart or mind, no matter how uncomfortable, bring it to God. When the timer goes off, text a friend: "Do you ever feel like prayer is awkward?"