When You've Got Nothing Left
Before I turned 30, I broke out with shingles. My body was telling me something my pride couldn't admit: I was doing too much. Between full-time graduate school and full-time ministry, I hadn't taken the time to rest. How can you say no to one more thing when you're doing it for Jesus? Maybe you know the feeling. It's when you feel so empty you're not even sad.
1 Kings 19:1-8
Ahab told Jezebel everything that Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, "May the gods punish me and do so severely if I don't make your life like the life of one of them by this time tomorrow!" Then Elijah became afraid and immediately ran for his life. When he came to Beer-sheba that belonged to Judah, he left his servant there, but he went on a day's journey into the wilderness. He sat down under a broom tree and prayed that he might die. He said, "I have had enough! LORD, take my life, for I'm no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree. Suddenly, an angel touched him. The angel told him, "Get up and eat." Then he looked, and there at his head was a loaf of bread baked over hot stones, and a jug of water. So he ate and drank and lay down again. Then the angel of the LORD returned a second time and touched him. He said, "Get up and eat, or the journey will be too much for you." So he got up, ate, and drank. Then on the strength from that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mountain of God.
Sometimes, I'm jealous of Elijah. He prayed and God sent fire from heaven, defeating 450 corrupt prophets, ending a three-year drought, and embarrassing a king and queen whose names have become interchangeable with "wicked." If I were him, and if they had it back then, I'd celebrate with some chocolate ice cream. But underneath the surface, Elijah is burnt out. The pressure to depend on God, live with integrity, and do impossibly hard work has crushed him. The text doesn't flinch: he's suicidal. God notices. Instead of insisting Elijah go and do something for him, God attends to the needs of his beloved friend. He gives him a night of uninterrupted rest. An angel is sitting there, attending to him. At the right time, the angel wakes him to ensure he's fed, hydrated, and safe. Elijah collapses into another bout of rest. Again, the angel ministers to Elijah's needs, and then the prophet has regained the strength to go far away to be with God. God cares for Elijah's body before he addresses Elijah's theology. Sometimes we think exhaustion is a spiritual problem requiring a spiritual solution. But neither Elijah nor we can spiritualize away our creatureliness. Moses couldn't stockpile manna, and we cannot run on empty. God doesn't rush Elijah back into action. Instead, he's baking bread. He gives him forty days of walking and thinking to recover and rest. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is eat a meal and take a nap.
Reflection Questions
Elijah's breakdown came right after his greatest success. Why do you think it's so hard to let our guard down when things are actually going well?
God ministered to Elijah through sleep, food, and the presence of an angel. Not by words. If you were honest, what does your body actually need right now?
We often feel guilty when we stop doing. What would it look like for us, as friends, to give each other permission to rest without having to "earn" it first?
One Thing to Try
When you feel overwhelmed, don't try to pray it away first. Do these three things: 1. Drink a full glass of water. 2. Eat something nourishing. 3. Sit or lie down completely still for 10 minutes. Then text your friend, "Remind me I'm not God?"