Finding deep inner peace through faith.
That was my beginning, yet I must admit that the first ten years were challenging. The fear that I was not as devoted to God as I wanted to be, the constant presence of my past sins in my mind, and the great undeserved favors God gave me were the source of my suffering.
During this time, I often stumbled, but I got back up immediately. It seemed to me that all creation, reason, and even God Himself were against me, and only faith was on my side. I was sometimes troubled by the thought that believing I had received such favors was just a sign of my presumption, presuming to reach a state instantly that others strive hard to achieve. At other times, I thought it was a delusional belief, and that there was no salvation for me.
When I thought I had no choice but to spend the rest of my days in these struggles (which didn't lessen my trust in God at all, but only increased my faith), I suddenly found myself transformed. My soul, which until then had been troubled, felt a deep inner peace as if it had found its center and place of rest.
Since that time, I walk before God, in faith, with humility, and love. I work hard to avoid doing or thinking anything that might displease Him. I hope that once I've done what I can, He will do with me as He wishes.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
What is challenging about practicing God's presence?
Do I fear anything except offending God? How could that perspective shape me?
Day 18: Rejoicing in God
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