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I watched my friend Nabeel Qureshi captivate a room for an hour, telling story after story. Afterwards, I saw the line of people stretching across the sanctuary to get their books signed. I smiled and helped to keep the event running smoothly, but my stomach felt tight. I wasn't just observing his success; I was measuring my own invisibility against it. It's hard to watch someone else get exactly what you wanted. After all, what's the point of my ministry when he was so talented?
John 3:22-30
After this, Jesus and his disciples went to the Judean countryside, where he spent time with them and baptized. John also was baptizing in Aenon near Salim, because there was plenty of water there. People were coming and being baptized, since John had not yet been thrown into prison. Then a dispute arose between John's disciples and a Jew about purification. So they came to John and told him, "Rabbi, the one you testified about, and who was with you across the Jordan, is baptizing—and everyone is going to him." John responded, "No one can receive anything unless it has been given to him from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Messiah, but I've been sent ahead of him.' He who has the bride is the groom. But the groom's friend, who stands by and listens for him, rejoices greatly at the groom's voice. So this joy of mine is complete. He must increase, but I must decrease."
John's disciples come to him with anxiety disguised as information. "Everyone is going to him." You can hear the fear and disappointment. They had committed their lives to following John, but now it looked liked a bad choice. They had helped launch Jesus' ministry, but now they were paying the price, and it stung. They view life as a zero-sum game: if Jesus is winning, John must be losing. John dismisses their complaint by talking about a wedding. In Jewish culture, the "friend of the bridegroom" (the shoshben) arranged the wedding, guarded the bridal chamber, and announced when the marriage was consummated. If the friend tried to take the bride, it wouldn't be a triumph, but a violation. The shoshben's entire job is to make the couple's joy complete. When Nabeel was named to a "30 Under 30" list of influential Christians, I was happy for him. But I also felt the cold tinge of envy because I was nowhere near that list. I felt like I was losing a competition I hadn't realized I was in. John's disciples remind me that it's normal to feel jealous of someone else's success. But John reminds us that envy is the suspicion that God gave your gift to someone else. John knew he wasn't the Groom, so he didn't have to carry the pressure of trying to be the main character. Decreasing in importance wasn't a punishment for him, but a relief. The pressure is off. He knew that Jesus was the one we needed. Seeing people meet Jesus brought him joy.
"Everyone is going to him." When have you felt threatened by someone else's success?
John says his joy is "complete" when the attention shifts to Jesus. Does the idea of "decreasing" feel like a relief, or death?
What is one specific area where you are trying to be the Groom (the center of attention) rather than the friend (the one who points to Jesus)?
Envy grows in the dark. It dies when you drag it into the light. Think of the specific person whose success currently makes you feel small. Text a safe friend right now: "I've been struggling with jealousy toward [Name]. Pray I would see their success as God's gift, not my loss."
84 friends have opened a study shared with them.