Following Jesus in Love

We've explored how God is love—not merely that he loves, but that love defines our Triune God. Now comes the harder question: What does it look like to actually live this way? Out of necessity, we've often settled for counterfeits that feel like love but leave us empty. How do we experience what Jesus offers: a love that flows from being loved?

To imitate Christ's self-giving love by receiving his love so that genuine love becomes who we are and how we live.

Avoiding Love

I sat down, clasped my hands, bowed my head, and said, "God, today I want to love people the way you love me."

A few hours later, my family arrived. I like my family. They're nice, kind, responsible, generous folks. But the effort to keep thinking, "Okay, I am going to love my hyperactive nephew" was exhausting. I soon reduced my goal to "Be nice."

As the morally discredited boxer Mike Tyson put it, "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."

To love another person is the greatest challenge of the human soul. What does it look like to empathetically, creatively, and persistently seek the good of another person?

It's easier to smile, avoid conflict, and make people feel comfortable.

But when we read the Gospels, we see a life that is barely captured by the words on the page. Our mouths drop as we see Jesus beautifully move from meeting one need to another. In John 4-5, for instance, he frees a traumatized woman from her shame, invites her entire village to worship him, heals a disabled man, and challenges the religious leaders on their lack of love for God.

How does Jesus both wash his disciples' feet and confront them with the stark requirement to take up their crosses if they want to follow him? Jesus clashes with all my expectations. He's more generous, sacrificial, challenging, tender, humble, and courageous than anyone I've ever met.

When we contrast his example with our standard operating system, the beauty of his life becomes even clearer.

The Counterfeits We Settle For

Instead of loving others the way Jesus did, we substitute easier ways of getting along.

**Sentimentality** wants the comfort of love without the cost. It's the difference between sharing inspirational meme quotes on Facebook and driving your neighbor to the hospital.

It delights in inspirational quotes but disappears when sacrifice is required. As Oscar Wilde said, "A sentimentalist is simply one who wants to have the luxury of an emotion without paying for it."

**Hypocrisy** is a perennial favorite. We talk about loving others when we don't. We exaggerate how much we give to charity, how noble we were in a conversation, how arduous it was to help someone out. Literally, we put on a show for others so they think of us as loving even though we aren't.

**Tolerance** is one way to express love, but often it is a trendy way to remain indifferent. True love cares enough to engage, to challenge, to want the best for someone. Tolerance says, "I won't bother you if you don't bother me." It's easier to not care how someone else lives than to invite them to follow Jesus.

**People-pleasing** looks caring but is actually a form of self-protection. We give to get approval. We serve to boost our reputation for serving. We avoid hard conversations because we fear rejection.

We often people-please because we lack the internal security to do what's best for the other person. So, we downgrade into doing what's best for us in a way that appears to be best for them. At a deeper level, people-pleasing can become codependency, where we depend on the other person approving of us in order to approve of ourselves.

Biblical love is different. As the life of Jesus implicitly demonstrates, and 1 Corinthians 13 makes explicitly clear, God's standard for love stretches us to become fully mature. We've started to love when we can seek the good of another, even when it is costly for us and uncomfortable for them.

But if love is so inspirational, why do we settle?

The Reasons We Settle

**We lack capacity.** As I've shared, love is exhausting. If you don't believe me, sign up to lead a middle school Bible study at your church. Even when we start with good intentions, we often feel burnt out, resentful, or even angry at God. If we succeed for a season, we get quite self-congratulatory and look down on the selfish people who surround us. Have you ever felt like a dry sponge trying to squeeze out water for a thirsty audience?

**We lack wisdom.** Let's say I'm fired up by the Holy Spirit and ready to love my neighbor. He says, "Hey, want to watch The White Lotus with me tonight?" On the one hand, I want to build a friendship. On the other hand, I don't want to watch a raunchy TV show. So, what do I say and how do I say it?

Or the owner of the company you work for says, "Look, I need you to keep this contract off the books." You don't want to get fired, but there are certain ethical and legal lines you can't cross. What does it look like to love your boss when your family is counting on you to have a job that pays the mortgage?

**We lack community.** When your adult children don't want to come home, ever, how do you keep reaching out? Or should you give them space? It's a challenge no parent wants to face, but we can feel ashamed to admit that our own kids have rejected us. What does that say about how we raised them? Instead of telling our friends at church, and getting prayer, encouragement, and support, we bury the pain and hope it magically gets better.

This is just the start. Love is central to the human experience. So, there are as many reasons we just can't love the way we want to as there are humans.

The Path To Love

A sober look at the challenge of love is overwhelming. But when we get honest about the cost of love, the good news is that we reach the end of ourselves. That sets the stage for humility, dependence, and heartfelt prayer: "God, help, please, please help me. I need your love to make me whole."

This is the secret of Jesus' life. When we observe his public ministry, we're stunned: How does he do this? But when he's in private, disclosing his heart to his closest friends, he reveals the answer: "As the Father has loved me, I have also loved you. Remain in my love" (John 15:9).

The principle is the gift: just as Jesus depended upon the Father's love, so we are invited to remain in his love.

When our focus is on loving others, we run out of gas before we hit the speed limit.

But when we are abiding in God's love, we slowly become loving people.

The best examples we have are the saints we sometimes get to meet. My grandmother spent a lifetime in prayer, singing hymns, reading her Bible, and going to church. She wasn't perfect, but whenever I was around her, I was certain that she loved me.

By the time I was old enough to form memories of her, she was consistently generous, wise, and friendly. At her funeral, a large church in the heart of Atlanta was nearly filled to capacity. If you can, make it a priority to spend time with people like my grandmother. Their friendship, care, and insight are invaluable as we slowly learn how to know God's love and love others, too.

The rhythm of the Christian life isn't try harder, do more, love better, you ungrateful sinner!

Jesus himself says it is, "you're already clean...remain in me...I love you... may my joy be in you" (John 15:1-17).

Like branches drawing life from a vine, we bear fruit not by straining but by staying connected.

In a technique-obsessed world, we need to understand that love isn't a strategy but a byproduct of a deeper experience. Because when we stop trying to perform love and start participating in it, God does a miracle.

When we're no longer trying to be impressive, and we personally know the love of God, the natural overflow of disciples walking through life together is a loving relationship. Over time, it becomes who we are, and our default approach to the people that God brings into our lives.

God, I confess that I've often settled for cheap substitutes to love. To love like you love me seems impossible, and I'm not even sure I want to live like that. I've tried to do it on my own, but it hasn't worked. Forgive me, cleanse me, and renew me. What I want is to abide in your love. Please connect me to mentors and friends who will show me your love. Instead of striving to be something I'm not, help me to live as your beloved child, and to love as your Spirit fills me with your love. Amen.